Okay well...let's treat today like a simple update not an emotional whirl wind. Today Kawaii informed me that the Angel was in denial and I don’t mean the river in Egypt. I mean and that really shook my “I don’t need him I’ll be fine” attitude. Like the “I don’t need him” attitude revolved around “well he doesn’t need me (He has Kawaii probably loves her more anyway) why should I be so dependent on him?” Then hearing that it’s not that he doesn’t care it’s that he cares too much. At least that’s the way I see it that he cares too much to accept that fact that I maybe walking out of his life forever. Then again as one person said he could just want me to be there like I’ve always been, his little loving pet.

In other news, Peter’s Love Interest was the biggest sweetheart today. I’m starting to see what Peter sees in him. He made me feel so much better. I mean he was so caring, so not his usual self you know? And well that helped me so much. Plus he and Peter called me pretty something I don’t see myself as but you know I guess I’ll have to take there words for it. I’ve been called everything today from pretty to beautiful to being a flame to being an angel not of happiness and joy but of truth. I’m tired and I don’t know what to think.

Well Peter I have to say this for Queer as Folk if you take out all the graphic sex (which is 30 minutes of a 45 minute show) and leave the relationship between Justin and Bryan (something I feel a connection to and I don’t know why) and leave Emmett it will be a good show…of course not many people would watch. Another thing I get what you’re saying about “ugh” TV has kinda made getting laid (mind you I consider this to be on the extreme end of the spectrum with it’s opposite being making love) the main quest in the video game of life (not just a minuet side quest)

Peter sweetheart you know what if you’re lacking in family come wedding day (GOD!!! I wanna see the hottie you pick to be the one!!) I’ll bring my Latino band wagon (okay hun in cousin’s alone we’d have 17 bare minimum so if they all brought a guest 34 so yeah don’t doubt!) And if they won’t come I’ll be there mind you all probably be all alone and bitter that someone finally roped in Peter(and he better be like the reincarnation of Jebus Crust before I okay him!)

The sad thing here is that I think Peter will get married and start a happy life before me. I mean Peter’s such an open person he’d easily find someone to care for him. Me on the other hand doubt that anyone could find me worth taking notice of let alone spending the rest of their life with me. *Long ponderous silence* Well Peter said I have good taste in men at least visually *forced smile* I guess I might find someone…..not the one I really want but someone. Look guys this is getting really taxing and I feel really wistful so I know Peter is most likely the one reading this I guess I’ll share a little fantasy of mine.

I want a house by the shore with a garden in the back yard with a swing that hangs from a tree. The swing is big enough for two people to sit in and look out over the garden. All sorts of blue, violet, and red colored flowers will grow there. Then our room will have a sliding glass door facing east toward sunrise over the water and every morning I’ll lay there with the arms of the man I love wrapped around me watching the sun come up once more and thanking God for one more day with my Angel…..

It’s a simple fantasy, but I guess it’s not that simple when you think of all the things that need to happen to have that. Then again *sigh* it’s just another Illusion of Love…..